Your Boyfriend's Exgirlfriend

Have you ever used Facebook to creep on your ex's new girlfriend or even your boyfriend's exes? I'm guilty of it and I'm sure a lot of you are too. Jake was with his ex for a long time before he met me. She goes to the same school as us and we have some mutual friends. Whenever I see her or a picture of her, I immediately am filled with disgust and anger.

But why?

Is there some unwritten rule that we have to hate each other?

I don't fully understand it. Why do we automatically hate that girl, even if we've never met her? Obviously we have something in common, because at one point, we had similar taste in men. We probably have some other things in common as well. Maybe if we didn't have that one thing in common, we might have even been friends. In fact, we probably would be friends. I'm sure we'd get along great, actually.

I don't know anything about her besides the negative things that Jake has told me and that our mutual friends have told me. I've never heard a positive thing about her. But no girl in her right mind would tell me all these wonderful things about her; it's just not something we do. Girls love drama and gossip and we love rumors. It's just a fact.

But thinking about all of this makes me wonder what would happen if we actually did have a conversation. Would it be filled with rage? Would we act like typical girls and be at each other's throats? That's the first thing that comes to mind. Most girls' first reactions would be ones of anger. But clearly we have things in common. So why can't we be friends, or even just be civil to each other?

I guess the short story is that we don't have to be filled with anger when thinking about awkward situations such as these. Kill 'em with kindness. Be the bigger person and be friendly. Maybe we could start a revolution in girl world.

Why I'm Disappointed in This Month's Cosmo

I am a strong supporter of Cosmopolitan Magazine. I read it secretly when my parents banned it from our house and I subscribed once I moved out on my own. I love the make-up tips, the hair styles, and the woman-power articles.

However, I was extremely disappointed in this month's issue.

It featured an entire section on plastic surgery, and how this is the solution for being self-conscious.

Plastic surgery, unless for a life-saving or non-cosmetic reason, is never the solution for being self-conscious.

If you are unhappy with your body, the first step is to realize that nobody else sees what you see. They don't see just your "large" nose or your flat hair. They notice all of your features combined. You are beautiful in your way and you don't need to change your features in order to fit into your standard of beauty.

Try enhancing the features you are comfortable with. Wear an eyeshadow that accentuates and makes your eye color pop. Or try a different shade of lipstick. Buy yourself a dress that shows off your waist or your long legs. You don't need to resort to plastic surgery.

At my most self-loathing points, I've played with the idea of plastic surgery. But it's not for me. My main reason is that I am so excited to be a mother. I can't wait for the day I get to hold something that I created and see the beauty of my own newborn. That child will also have half of my genes. I want to be able to look in the mirror and see the features my child was handed down, not something a surgeon created.

Maxi Skirts

Today, I bought a maxi skirt.

Now, this would ordinarily be a staple in every girl's wardrobe, but when you're 5'2 and not exactly a stick, you shy away from long skirts.

I'm here to tell the world that you don't have to be 5'9 and 120 pounds to wear a maxi skirt.

Here's what to look for if you're shaped like me (short and slightly curvy):

1. Find one that you can pull up without it wrinkling under your shirt or one that has a fold-over waistband. This way you can adjust the length and you're not drowning in the fabric.
2. Find a flattering fabric. The one I purchased is black and grey. It's got stripes that meet in a "V" in the center, but I wouldn't exactly call it chevron. Avoid straight-across stripes in order to create the illusion of narrower hips.
3. Dress it up! Find a top in a similar color to the skirt in order to avoid awkwardly dividing the midsection. Wear a cute jacket if you're self-conscious about your arms.

Wear that skirt with confidence! You are beautiful and your clothing should highlight and enhance that beauty! Don't be afraid to try new fashion trends just because of your size. As long as you wear it in a way that highlights your beauty, you'll look awesome!

Birchbox

Recently, I've started subscribing to Birchbox. Each month, you pay $10 and they send you a box of beauty products specifically tailored to you. It asks your skin tone and favorite types of products and comes up with a few samples and products for you to try. At first, I was a little worried that it was a scam, but I did my research and gave in. It is definitely not a scam. Obviously, the goal is really to get you to buy the full-sized products, but that's not why I've subscribed.

I am a make-up fanatic. I love trying new things and Birchbox allows me to do it each month on a budget. $10 is really not much when you're being sent amazing, high-priced items. My favorite product so far is a Stilla lipgloss that perfectly accents my skin tone!

I would definitely recommend trying it out if you're as make-up obsessed as me!

What Makes You Beautiful

In today's society, women are expected to be 5'8 and 115 pounds. They are expected to have painted faces and airbrushed blemishes. They wear the latest trends by the most fashionable designers, and show a large area of skin. But while that may be something to look at, it's not real beauty.

Real beauty stems from what is inside your mind. It comes from your experiences and your knowledge of the world. It comes from the way you carry yourself. It comes from your motivation and dreams and goals for your life.

Our bodies are inherently beautiful, no matter what society says.

We're beautiful because our bodies were beautifully crafted to, one day, bear children. We are special because we have the ability to become a mother. In my humble opinion, motherhood is the most beautiful thing. We need to take care of our bodies so that we can be prepared in case we decide we want to have children.

That's reason enough to love our bodies, just the way they were made. We don't need surgery to fix the blemishes. We don't need to show it off like a piece of meat in order for it to be beautiful.

If you want to become more beautiful, instead work on your mind. Learn as much as you can and show the world grace and kindness. Real men fall in love with our minds. I promise that when a man falls in love with your mind, he won't care what your body looks like.

What it Really Means to Choose Love

Let me start this off by saying that my relationship isn't perfect. We have our many flaws and we may not fight, but we do bicker at times. I am no relationship expert and I don't want to brag about my relationship. But I am happier with Jake than I have ever been with anyone else.

On my Facebook news feed, I see many blog posts and articles about how a marriage or relationship isn't successful because two people fall in love, but how they choose to love each other. Let me explain what I believe the difference between falling in love and choosing to love to be.

Falling in love is the feeling in your heart that tells you that you deeply care about your significant other. It's the feeling of attraction towards that person.

Choosing to love someone is understand that that person has imperfection. It is not looking past them. It is not staying in a relationship that doesn't benefit you because you love that person despite their huge flaws. Choosing to love someone has to be a two-way street. Your significant other must choose to love you too. It's not a difficult task either, it should not make you cry or hurt you.

It's not always an easy road to be with Jake. But our problems are simply circumstantial. They come from outside issues that we can't control and not from personality issues. Yes, he has flaws. But in my eyes, he's as close to perfect as it gets. He tries very hard to be a good person and because of this, I can choose to love him. It's a choice I make every day, but it's a choice I am happy to make.

It Won't Be Like This For Long

I’m just a few months away from embarking on the biggest journey of my life as I know it. I’ll be moving home and living with my parents, not for reasons of laziness but reasons of necessity, and then shortly after that I’ll be starting law school. I don’t know anybody else in my class and I’m leaving behind my boyfriend and best friend in the world. Although he’ll be joining me in less than two years, I know it’s going to a tough two years without him by my side.
However, I don’t want to spend this time in fear of the future. I want to live beautifully.

I want to smile and laugh every day.

I want to dance when it rains on my parade.

I want to spend every moment cherishing my life and the people in it.

Law school is only three years. Before I know it, I’ll be graduating, getting married, and having children. Just because the first day marks a tough and scary time, it doesn’t mean I can’t embrace it. Why can’t I enjoy these three years? After all, I’ll never get them back.

Clinique Stay Matte Makeup

My mom has always been a huge fan of Clinique makeup. She would always participate in bonus days and those were like Christmas to us. She'd bring home makeup samples and we would play around with the different colors and give each other make-overs. When I got older and started wearing makeup, I wore a lot of her hand-me-down samples. At least until I starting having to buy my own makeup. Clinique is definitely not cheap, so I stopped wearing it.

This past weekend, I went home to see my family. My mom and I went to Clinique and got fitted for foundation just for fun. I tried the Stay Matte foundation and I've fallen in love. I have pretty oily skin. I'm always searching for a foundation or base that will keep my skin looking fresh and clean. On top of having oily skin, I'm very light-skinned. Most brands don't even make a foundation in a shade that matches my skin tone. I've been using BB cream or tinted moisturizer just because they are the only cheaper solution to my skin problems. However, Stay Matte keeps my skin looking fresh all day! My nose always starts getting shiny a few hours into the day. I'm a big powder person. I carry it with me and am always reapplying it to cover that darn shine. With this formula, my skin didn't get shiny at all, not even towards the end of the day!

Clinique makes 20 different shades for this formula. I was surprised to find that they make shades lighter than my skin tone too! This is a first for me! I definitely recommend it if you have similar issues with your skin, or even just want to try something new!

 

New make up!

I tried some new make-up this weekend. One of my favorite things to do is play with new make up and see what new looks I can come up with! These aren't the greatest pictures so bear with me!

 

For this, I used a Clinique Duo in "Jammin'" and a peachy-brown color I already owned (e.l.f. brand). I used Revlon's eye primer as a base. I applied the light pink all over my eyelid and the purple in the crease. Then I took the peachy-brown color and blended in the purple into the crease. I know it's not technical terms or good descriptions of the products but it's hard to do without the products in front of me!

 

Three Good Things

I'm currently enrolled in a class about positive psychology and happiness. The class itself is kind of pointless and I actually really hate it, mostly because the teacher scares me and has very different viewpoints than I do.

But anyway, our latest assignment is called "Three Good Things." For a whole week, we must write down three good things that happened during the day. I thought I'd share my week with you.

Day 1 (Friday)
1. My boyfriend surprised me by delivering a beautiful bouquet of lilies to my work.
2. I got to wear a beautiful dress I'd been saving for a special occasion.
3. My boyfriend and I had a fantastic 3-course dinner at a restaurant we'd never been to.

Day 2 (Saturday)
1. My spur-of-the-moment trip to see my friend turned into a good night spent with her.
2. Her 2 year old son randomly told us that he likes me during dinner.
3. He also drew me a picture.

Day 3 (Sunday)
1. My new boss told my boyfriend that he wants to get me started in some bigger, better projects, and that I'm doing a really good job!
2. I made a delicious dinner of chicken tacos for my boyfriend and I.
3. I also made some more chocolate covered strawberries, because why not?

Day 4 (Monday)
1. I beat a very difficult level of Candy Crush that I was starting to believe was impossible.
2. I finally bought a pair of pale pink skinny jeans and I'm very excited about being able to wear them.
3. My mom started fostering an 8 month old Mini Australian Shepherd who I get to meet this weekend! and she sent me a hilarious video of him playing with our Mini Aussie.

Day 5 (Tuesday)
1. I didn't have to wear a coat to class!
2. I got invited to an admitted students dinner at Nebraska College of Law and I'm very excited about attending!
3. I made $5 from consigning clothing.

Day 6 (Wednesday)
1. It was a really fun day at work; I got to learn some more clerical things.
2. I had my first "spring/summer" meal of the year: BLTs!
3. I went to lunch with a friend I hadn't seen in awhile.

Day 7 (Thursday)
1. I woke up to the rain.
2. My boyfriend took me to lunch.
3. I made a delicious pizza for dinner.

I'll say it...

Girls drive me nuts.

They're catty, rude, and sometimes just downright stupid. But I can't complain because I used to be just like the dumb girls you probably know. That was, until I grew up. And I don't mean "grew up" by turning 22 or starting my senior year of college. I mean I matured. It happened overnight. Seriously. I used to party a lot. I was never a "good girl" in college and I won't lie about it. I drank most nights and I really have no idea how I passed my classes. I made a lot of mistakes. Some of them, I regret. But that's not the point. The point is, I was one of those girls with the jerk boyfriend.

You know, the one who is "in love" with him and can't leave no matter what he does. I'll be honest, there were times I wanted to. There were times I thought about it. God only knows why I didn't just do it, because I really should have. He cheated on me several times for no good reason at all, and the worst part is that I let him. I let him walk all over me. And then one day, it just all fell apart: my fake happy persona, my pretend relationship, my life.
And it took me a long time to get over it. And I mean a LONG time. This is where the mistakes come into play. I made a lot of them. I was a walking disaster. And then something really bad happened. Something I don't really like talking about. But it made me grow up. I spent the whole night crying and wasting perfectly good mascara. The next morning, I woke up and made a promise to myself that I would change for the better.

So I did. I literally grew up overnight. To this day, I don't know how it happened. But I stopped drinking regularly, I stopped acting like I deserved to be treated like a dumb girl, and I started holding my head a little higher. It took me a few months to start believing I deserved better, but eventually something just clicked. And four months later, I returned to the small college town to face my mess and started my senior year of college. I focused on my classes and rarely went out. When I did go out, I went home by myself. And then something amazing happened.

I met the man of my dreams. It's crazy how when you pull yourself together, your life just suddenly starts falling into place. Being in that town was the last place I wanted to be, but all of a sudden, I was happy to be there. I went from the girl with the baggage to the girl with a smile.

So if you're still with me, I'm telling you that you can do it too. If you're that girl with a life like my past and you desperately want to let go, just do it. Jump. I promise it's worth it. It's worth being alone for months and crying yourself to sleep. It's cliché, but they say pain is just weakness leaving the body. I'm pretty sure they're right.

If you're the girl with the crappy boyfriend you just can't seem to lose, I don't want to tell you to dump him, even though I so badly want you to. But I will tell you that feeling alone in a relationship is ten times worse than feeling alone and actually being alone. The relationship that makes you feel alone is the wrong one.

We were never created to be alone. With my whole heart, I believe this. If you've read the Bible at least once in your life, you know that Eve was created from Adam's rib. And she wasn't just created to put up with his crap. Don't believe that joke for a second. She was created to be his companion. And companionship is a two-way street. We were never meant to be alone. You don't have to be. Yes, it's going to suck when you let that relationship go. It's going to hurt. But it's the good kind of hurt. It's the kind of hurt that makes you stronger.

I promise you that there are bigger and better things ahead when you just let go.

Veggie Pasta!

This is one of my all-time favorite dishes to make. It's so yummy and super healthy! The only fatty part is the sauce! Even the noodles are made from veggies! It's also really easy to find the ingredients... everything was bought at Walmart!

Veggie noodles

Green beans

Asparagus

Mushrooms

Onions

Broccoli

Grape tomatoes

All in a cheap Alfredo sauce!

Slut Shaming

Lately an issue that's been on my heart is a concept called "slut-shaming." This is something ALL girls are guilty of at one point or another.

Have you ever called a girl you barely knew a slut? Ever looked a stranger's outfit or behavior choices and made a judgement of their moral character? Ever said a girl was a slut because you couldn't come up with a real, legitimate reason for disliking her? You're guilty of slut-shaming.

It's a real problem for girls in my generation.

You might not see the effects first-hand but using harsh words like this to describe another woman takes a deviating blow to her self-esteem. When you think about how badly your self-esteem has been at times, you know how hard this must be for that girl you've just slut-shamed.

You don't like it when it happens to you personally, but you have no problem openly slut-shaming other women.

What's even funnier is that being a woman is already hard enough. In our society, we are expected to raise a family, hold down a husband, perform traditional roles such as cooking and house-keeping, obtain a career that brings in a decent amount of money, all while being a sane person at an age where we're still trying to figure out who we are.

I don't know who's idea it was to do that, but I personally think it sucks. Because on top of all that, we have to deal with other women constantly tearing us down. Sounds really ridiculous to me.

So, I vow to stop slut-shaming. It doesn't do me any good to do it. In fact, it only makes me look bad! I'll check in with you guys to keep me accountable but this is my promise to myself.

No more tearing each other down. We are strong, beautiful women and it's time we started acting like it.

Hey guys,

welcome to An Anchor to my Soul!  I love crafts, cooking, clothes, make-up, and the typical "girly" things. However, I'm a law student so I'm supposed to be tough, smart, and too busy for those things. I've never kept up with a blog before, but the hope is that this blog can be my creative outlet! Speaking of hope, hope is something pretty important to me. I've been diagnosed with some serious depression and anxiety and hope is something I have to constantly hold on to every day. I try to take life one day at a time and I'm lucky enough to have some amazing people who've joined my crazy rollercoaster life. I'm not crazy religious by any means, but Hebrews 6:19 has always stuck out to me. "For we have this hope as an anchor to the soul..." What a beautiful phrase. I even have an anchor tattooed on my ankle to remind me to never lose hope. And what a beautiful idea. Hope is something our soul needs. I know my soul craves it. Without hope, I wouldn't be able to dream and I have some pretty big dreams. For starters, I want to graduate law school and eventually become a judge. Earning a judgeship isn't easy and I have a long road ahead of me. But boy am I excited for that journey!
So here's to my journey and the hope that maybe somebody will get something out of this blog!